Mind’s Infection

Everywhere I go there seems to be a voice
It’s always closed holding me by the throat
At night it rages, on not letting me dream
It hurts my head so much that i want to scream
Instead of thinking, I just want to float

Time is fast, tomorrow’s always here
Everyday I feel it getting near
Ignorance makes it harder and acknowledgment gives me fear
Moving on with life I realized I am older
My school days are closing, almost done and over

The voice still exists growing stronger by the day
The pressure is overwhelming, I just want to run away
Everyone’s expectations are holding me down
They’re like an anchor that causes me to drown
Instead of grounding me, it freezes me all around

I wait for the hour that I would be free
I just want someone to have faith in me
I feel like instead of making hope, I just make debris
Even though I’m young, I think so ahead
Something about the future just fills me with dread

I wait for the hour that I would find the key
Waiting out there for someone to look at me
The flaws in myself is the only thing I can see
The voice inside is so harsh with words
Snapping judgement for everything i cant afford

Judgement is something that I face everyday
The strongest judge would always be myself
Criticized myself in every way
There’s no use in asking for help
Deep in fear and thinking on what they would say

Whenever I look at the mirror I feel shame
I don’t want fame
I just want to stay in my room alone
That doesn’t mean I would be sad though
Why would I be sad over something i’ve never known?

I’m not ready for what the future holds
But that’s just how I feel, not what I think
I have so many questions that have no answers
Secrets that I would tell no one, not even a shrink
Trust is something hard to give so don’t think of me lesser

After graduation , i don’t know what I’d do
So many decisions, where do I put my hope in to?
Who I am, would I still be in the future?
Who I was in a past is getting farther
Becoming someone else for others have become so hard, it makes me want to fall under

My heart’s always closed, always on guard
But no matter how much you humiliation
I still believe in love and trust
Even though i prefer to stay in my hidden thoughts
I will find a way to kill my mind’s infection

 

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